This title is addressing one part of the problem,let me put it this way, if you don’t have a child, and you don’t like children, and you’re not planning to have children any time soon, then when your friend has a child, you will just lose that friend.
Of course, I can’t speak on behalf of everyone, only on behalf of myself. In my case, I’ve already lost a number of friends after they had children.
On QQ, I’ve blocked some chat groups from university and high school. After more than three people in a group have become parents, the topic of conversation always revolves around children.
And then it’s your individual friends. Their status update is about their kids every day. From the very start of conversation, there are only two kinds of topic: 1. My child can speak now, my child can walk now, my child can recite Tang poetry… and so on. 2. Although I never used to like kids, but now that I have them I think they’re awesome, really, believe me, you’d better have go have yours soon too. Believe me, no matter what they talk about it always revolves around these two topics. If it were a few years ago I’d have spent a lot of time arguing back from every angle about why I don’t wanna have a kid now. Now I just leave the instant messenger bleeping, and instead spend the time listening to music, reading, smoking, drinking tea, taking a shit… any of these things are more meaningful to me now. After a while, the instant messenger stops bleeping, and yet another friend has now basically disappeared.
In real life, when a few of your friends have become”parents”, it would be similar to chatting on QQ, the only difference being that one is in text form whereas the other one is in verbal sound. These friends would get together and talk about their children until they forget about time and space, forget about the universe and life and death. And as time passes by, you’ve pretty much lost these friends.
Compared to these two situations, the scariest thing for me it to visit a friend who has a child, it is a torture for me, especially if the family has a child under school age.
I went to chat with an old friend, yet my friend thought of nothing but his baby. If you don’t speak highly of his baby, he will feel upset at you.
I’m not the kind of person who compliments other people’s babies. Rather, all I want is for the baby to calm down so that I can have the opportunity to speak with his father. Most of the time, however, he just looks at the baby affectionately and dotes on him. At the same time, he looks at you, expecting you to interact with his baby. Jesus Christ! I’ve tried a few times.
An example of this is: given he’s an old friend, I summed up the courage, drew upon memories of grand conversations with him, and with great difficulty I attempted to put on some weird facial expressions and body language. Very quickly the baby warmed to me and started giggling and screaming. The baby’s parents were happy, the baby’s grandparents listening outside were very happy, everyone was happy, except me.
In the parents and grandparent’s eyes, I was like an actor standing in the heat, wearing short sleeves, putting on a show. I endured a hellish afternoon during which the baby’s parents and grandparents kept saying: “Look, you love children so much, he’s getting so attached to you, what are you waiting for? Hurry up and have some kids!”
I’ve spent money, bought presents, diligently put on an act, and spoke pleasantries – all for the sake of this one afternoon. Once out the door, I lamented to myself: mate, I’m not being insensitive, I just don’t dare to come back again.
After this experience, I still went to a friend with a baby again. I had nothing to do but stay cold-blooded. At once, baby was trying to surround me, but I was careful not to smile, and would just pull a long face for as long as it took. Very quickly, the parents’ face started a competition with me, who would be the first to pull a donkey’s face. This embarrassed everyone, except baby who just went on yapping his haha’s and hihi’s, but soon this became the music of the room. The friends added laughter to laughter, and invited you to come play again, but didn’t see you off. Good-bye, dear friend!
Forcing myself to play with his baby feels somewhat akin to torture. If I followed my heart not to play with or compliment the baby, my friend would feel uncomfortable. 没法子，人性，我当然选择自己不难受.
It comes down to the following situations when I go out with friends who have become parents: one is friends will come with baby, another is friends will urge you to visit their house, and see their baby on the way. Both situations make me extremely uncomfortable. 没法子，人性，我当然选择自己不难受。
Do remember, you can’t complain about such experiences with friends who have children. They will just tell you: “Don’t judge other people, wait until you become a father yourself. You will be the same, maybe even worse. What are you going to say? Promise that ‘I will never become that kind of person.’ Never say never, otherwise your hard times will begin.
(PS: There must be some parents out there saying: “This is article is exaggerating, we’re not that bad.)
Source : Douban, 17 January 2013Report Error