全职主妇 – Full time housewife – English

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First, I’ll talk about my own situation. Before I was married I was employed in a local work unit; after I married, because my husband’s family had their own company, they insisted that I resign from the work unit and join their company, so I immediately resigned.

Over a month ago, something happened. I haven’t been able to erase it from my mind, it continues to haunt me. I don’t want to tell anyone close to me, only I know that my heart holds so much sorrow. My husband and I fell in love and were married five years later; now it’s been two years since we married. Over that time our relationship has always been good, envied among my friends. He said I was his first love. I was never quite convinced that it was true, but he insisted that I was. I thought that regardless of whether or not I was his first love, I just wanted to be the last. Now I am pregnant, and due to give birth in one month. Something happened a month ago. My husband said that he was seeing his classmates on Saturday and asked me if I was coming. Because I was pregnant and felt ugly, I didn’t want to see anybody. Also, because I was so close to my due date, I felt that accompanying them to dinner and karaoke was not practical, so I didn’t go. But then, the unthinkable happened. That night, my husband didn’t arrive home until 2am. After he got home, he told me that a girl he used to have a crush on was there. In the following days, he was chatting on QQ all day and night without sleeping. When he was chatting, he always ignored me, or else he would squat on the toilet with his phone for one to two hours without coming out. I was vaguely becoming aware that I might have a problem: previous nights, no matter how late or cold it was, if I wanted a drink of water, he would give it to me. That evening the water dispenser ran out of water and the new water that had just been delivered was sitting on the floor. I asked him to put it in the water dispenser, but he was on QQ non-stop, and told me to wait. I waited until I fell asleep and didn’t get a drink of water. But what happened after made me even more heart-broken. A few days later he told me he was going out to city ‘A’ to settle an account. He left early in the morning whilst I was still in bed. At that time, I wasn’t suspicious. After work that afternoon, I tried to call him, but his phone was switched off. He didn’t ring back until the evening, and said he wasn’t coming back as he hadn’t found the person and so would take another look tomorrow. Because he has two cell phones which are never both turned off at the same time, and the indications from the previous two days, I felt that he was lying to me. But when I asked him he didn’t admit anything and so I let it go, half believing, half doubting him. After I hung up the phone he turned his cell phone off again. On the second day of his business trip, my mother-in-law phoned him, but his cellphone was turned off. My mother-in-law was worried and asked me to find out why he still hadn’t come back, and also why neither phone was connecting. I checked and discovered there was no record of a phone call from city ‘A’, but instead it was from city ‘B’, and also, that a call was made early that morning. I immediately rang the number, a woman answered, it was that woman classmate that he chats with on QQ everyday. I told her straight up to ask ** (my husband’s name) to come to the phone. It was silent on the line for a moment, then she asked me who I was. I said you ought to be able to guess who I am shouldn’t you? Right away I said, let him answer the phone I need to discuss something with him. There was a moment of silence again. After a while she said, he’s not here with me, you should call him on his cell phone. Then she hung up. After the phone call, I was sure my conjectures were correct. I started shaking from head to toe, my mind was racing, and I was no longer in the mood to work. I calmly told my mother in law that I hadn’t found anything out, and then tried to find a reason to take leave from work and go home.

After I got home I kept thinking: after so many years of happiness, how could he betray me like this? If I wasn’t pregnant I could leave without a care, or if I was in the early stages of pregnancy I would have other options. Now I am in the late stages of my pregnancy; I really can’t accept it any more. Later I found him on QQ, and sent him a direct message saying, don’t lie again, I know everything. If it can stay in the past, then it’s in the past, but if not, then don’t bother coming back. He arrived home as dusk was falling. He came in and spoke to me like nothing had happened. I am a relatively weak person; I confronted him in silence, in tears, and took no notice of him. He kept asking me what was wrong, why I was ignoring him. I said， you know what you have done. What have you been doing for the last two days? He said he really did go to city ‘A’，but the business head wasn’t there so he couldn’t retrieve the money. When I said that I checked his call records, and all his phone calls were from city ‘B’, and that there was no record of any phone calls made from city ‘A’，and asked why he had called his classmate whilst he was away. His explanation to me was that one of his classmates was feeling a bit down and felt like going out. So together with that particular female classmate and several other classmates, he went to city ‘B’, then that same night returned to city ‘A’. After our phone call the previous evening he turned his cell phone off as the power was getting low. When he got to city ‘A’ he realised that he had lost his cell phone. But he had been making calls for two days from city ‘B’. He was still lying to me. My explanation is that he was with his classmates in city ‘B’ the entire time, and just didn’t go to ‘A’ city at all. But he wouldn’t admit to anything and said he really didn’t do it and said he really didn’t do anything against me. I just felt very wronged crying all the time. I said before when we were in the unit every time the group went out you didn’t let me go, saying wait till you have the time then you’ll take me out for some fun. Up to now you haven’t taken me out, I know you are busy, but you could actually take two days to take me out. Then he asked me to think where to go and he’ll take me or maybe wait till after the baby is born,we’ll take the child out together and he also said that in the future he wouldn’t have any connection with his classmate.

After the wedding, a lot of things happened with his family and the company, Sometimes he would tell me that I had made a mistake to marry him, I should have married a man who was working like me and I would have a happy life, I listened touched with emotion and cried; in my heart I thought, even if it’s tiring, I value the fact that I married a person like that. But at that time, I did not expect him to do something like that. I really don’t know what I should have done，I feel very helpless and I don’t want to talk to anyone，every day if I remember these things I feel especially brokenhearted，these days I am really very depressed，I don’t know how to face up to him，as a matter of fact he acts as if none of this happened and asks me what’s the matter, I also don’t want to bring it up again wit him, and he still can’t admit it，he said again that he’d already assured me he did not have a relationship with his classmate and that my continual nagging was boring. I just don’t think he’s telling the truth and I have lost confidence in him，I sometimes secretly have a quick look at his cellphone but haven’t found any more problems, and there was nothing on the QQ chat record，I don’t know if it’s reliable, not connected or all deleted. Yet I still can’t forget. When I have nothing to do my mind is full of thoughts, when I start thinking I just cry, when I cry he either asks me what’s going on or else doesn’t say anything. Gradually I realised that he seems to not want to explain things to me again，and he is losing patience with me. Now I just want to find a place to stay by myself and calm down a bit. Yet I don’t want to tell my husband’s parents about it all. Every day I still cope with it and go to work. I don’t know if he has a guilty conscience about it all or not. And I don’t know how long these matters will keep on troubling me.

Source : ShuDong