全职主妇 – Full time housewife – English

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First I’ll talk about my own circumstances, before I was married I worked in a local work unit; after I married I immediately resigned because my husband’s family had their own company.

Something happened more than a month ago, and I haven’t been able to dispel the troubles in my mind. I don’t want to tell anyone near me, only I myself know that my heart holds so much sorrow. My husband and I fell in love and were married five years later; now it’s been two years since we married. Over that time our relationship has always been good, envied among my friends. He said I was his first love. I was never quite convinced that it was true, but he kept on saying it. I thought whether or not I was the first didn’t matter I just wanted to be the last one. Now I am already pregnant, and in fact I am preparing to give birth in one month. Something happened a month ago, my husband said that they had a classmates meeting on Saturday and asked me if I was coming. I didn’t want to see anybody, because I was already pregnant and I was always thinking to myself that I looked ugly, and I also felt that 月份大了 accompanying them as they were going out and later to karaoke was not practical, so I didn’t go; but a thing I would not have imagined happened. That night my husband didn’t arrive home until early in the morning at 2am, and after coming back, he told me that a girl he used to have a crush on was there, and in the following days, he would be chatting on QQ all day and night without sleeping, and when he was chatting, he would always shut me off, or else he would stay squatting on the toilet for one or two hours holding the phone without coming out. I was vaguely becoming aware that I might have a problem: previously, no matter how late or cold it was, if I wanted a drink of water, he would give it to me. That evening the water dispenser ran out of water, the new water that had just been delivered was sitting on the floor, I asked him to put it in the water dispenser. But he was on QQ non-stop, and said wait, wait a moment, until I fell asleep and didn’t get a drink of water. But what happened after made me even more broken-hearted. A few days later he told me he was going out to city ‘A’ to get an account paid. He went out in the early morning when I was still in bed and at that time, again, I was not suspicious. In the afternoon after work I gave him a phone call and the phone was turned off, he didn’t ring back till the evening and said he wasn’t coming back, he hadn’t found the person and would take another look tomorrow. I became aware that he was lying because he carries two cell phones, and before it was always unlikely that they would both be turned off at the same time, and also because of other indications over the last two days. But when I asked him he didn’t admit anything and so I let it go, half believing, half doubting him. After I hung up the phone he turned his cell phone off again. The second day at work my mother-in-law phoned him and his cellphone was turned off. My mother-in-law was worried and asked me to check why he still hadn’t come back as well as why the linked phones weren’t ringing. I checked and discovered there was no record of a phone call from city ‘A’, but it was from city ‘B’, and also discovered that he made a phone call in the early morning before he went out. I immediately rang the number, a woman answered, it was that woman classmate that he chats with on QQ everyday. I asked her straight up to ask ** (my husband’s name) to come to the phone, silence on the line, then after a while she asked me who I was, I said you ought to be able to guess who I am shouldn’t you? Right away I said let him answer the phone I’m trying to find him to discuss something, again silence, after a while she said I’m not together with him, you ring him on his cell phone OK, then hung up. After the phone call I was sure my conjectures were all correct. I started shaking from head to foot, my mind was in a speechless turmoil and I was not in the mood for work. I still pretended that I was very calm, I said to my mother in law that I hadn’t found anything out，I tried to find a reason to take leave from work and go home.

After I came back home I kept thinking: how could he betray me now, after the many years when everything went well ? If I wasn’t pregnant I could leave without a care, possibly if I had just become pregnant I would have another choice, now I am so many months gone, I really can’t face up to it. Later I found him on QQ, and sent him a direct message to say don’t lie again, I know everything, and if you promise that’s in the past, but if you can’t do it, then don’t bother coming back. He arrived home as dusk was quickly falling, coming in the door he spoke to me just like nothing had happened. I am a rather weak person, I confronted him in silence, in tears, I took no notice of him. He kept asking me why I was ignoring him. I said you know what you have done, what have you been doing for the last two days? He said he really did go to city ‘A’，the head of the household wasn’t there and he couldn’t demand the money. When I said that I checked and all his phone calls were from ‘B’ city，there was no record of any phone calls from ‘A’ city，为什么走时还 给他同学打电话时. His explanation to me was that one of his classmates was feeling a bit down and felt like going out to relieve the boredom, so he went with his classmates to ‘B’ city, then that same night went back to ‘A’ city, he also said it wasn’t only that female classmate but all together with other classmates. The previous evening after finishing the phone call with me he turned his cell phone off as the power was getting low, when he got to ‘A’ city he discovered that he had lost his cell phone. But he had been making calls for two days from ‘B’ city，he didn’t fool me with his explanation. My explanation is that he was all the time with his classmates at ‘B’ city and just didn’t go to ‘A’ city at all. But he didn’t admit it and said he really didn’t do it and said he really didn’t do anything against me. I just felt very wronged crying all the time. I said before when we were in the unit every time the group went out you didn’t let me go, saying wait till you have the time then you’ll take me out for some fun. Up to now you haven’t taken me out, I know you are busy, but you could actually take two days to take me out. Then he asked me to think where to go and he’ll take me or maybe wait till after the baby is born,we’ll take the child out together and he also said that in the future he wouldn’t have any connection with his classmate.

After the wedding, a lot of things happened with his family and the company, Sometimes he would tell me that I had made a mistake to marry him, I should have married a man who was working like me and I would have a happy life, I listened touched with emotion and cried; in my heart I thought, even if it’s tiring, I value the fact that I married a person like that. But at that time, I did not expect him to do something like that. I really don’t know what I should have done，I feel very helpless and I don’t want to talk to anyone，every day if I remember these things I feel especially brokenhearted，these days I am really very depressed，I don’t know how to face up to him，as a matter of fact he acts as if none of this happened and asks me what’s the matter, I also don’t want to bring it up again wit him, and he still can’t admit it，he said again that he’d already assured me he did not have a relationship with his classmate and that my continual nagging was boring. I just don’t think he’s telling the truth and I have lost confidence in him，I sometimes secretly have a quick look at his cellphone but haven’t found any more problems, and there was nothing on the QQ chat record，I don’t know if it’s reliable, not connected or all deleted. Yet I still can’t forget. When I have nothing to do my mind is full of thoughts, when I start thinking I just cry, when I cry he either asks me what’s going on or else doesn’t say anything. Gradually I realised that he seems to not want to explain things to me again，and he is losing patience with me. Now I just want to find a place to stay by myself and calm down a bit. Yet I don’t want to tell my husband’s parents about it all. Every day I still cope with it and go to work. I don’t know if he has a guilty conscience about it all or not. And I don’t know how long these matters will keep on troubling me.

Source : ShuDong