Source: www.1510.cn,July 16 2012
These are words I’ve been wanting to write to you for long , but I often procrastinate and I am lazy, at least until now.
When we went to Hong Kong tougher, we saw the beautiful clothes and handbags in the shopping malls and we both sighed. You said you were actually practical and vain, and you wanted to marry a rich man who could spoil you, one who could buy you all those beautiful clothes and handbags. I also like nice clothes, and sometimes when I see cloths I can’t afford, I can even get a bit emotional and envy those single ladies who have a company to pay for their shopping. However, I’ve never thought to marry a rich husband in order to pay for those things. There’s always many things you like, and the temptations are always many, you can’t always satisfy all your desires, and so buying the things you can afford is rather better. And I think a husband is not there to satisfy your material aspirations.
You say the reason I think like that is because I don’t have too much pressure in my life, and that’s why I can be so relaxed. If a couple takes half of already low wages to pay for a thirty year mortgage on a house, if every month they have to scrape off to repay their car, and if they worry about the cost of their children’s education in the future, things are not as easy as I put them. I think what you say is right: because I’ve never had too much pressure in my life, I can do the things I like and follow my heart. Although everyone give high importance to the house, I think a house is there for the comfort of the family, but I don’t think you absolutely must buy a house. If you can’t afford to buy it, then renting is not such a big problem, why would you want to buy a house so much? You say: “If one day, while you’re holding your little one crying, the landlord comes in and pushes the rent up, and if you can’t afford it, you must leave right away, will you find it easy then?” I think I wouldn’t: in China, the rental market is really annoying, the rent goes up all the time, and the landlord can force you out anytime. Although this isn’t much protection, I would still have a contract, I would be very careful when signing it, and I would protect my interests through the contract. You know, I’ve never liked to be unreasonably bullied. Furthermore, I also believe that I wouldn’t be renting forever. As your qualifications increase, your salary would also increase, and then buying a house would be relatively easy, and little by little, it wouldn’t be such a big problem for the couple. Of course, maybe, the price of houses might increase far more quickly than qualifications and wages. This is the problem in our society. What we need to do is fight for our rights, so that there are regulations on rental, and buying a house is not so difficult, rather than compromise with the status quo, and try to make life more comfortable through marriage. Although, this seems a more concrete and feasible way.
I also think that I would like having the comforts of life, but you can’t have all the comforts right away, you must make efforts to slowly accumulate. When I look at fellow female workers in my company who wear make up and fashion, drive the latest car, and often go out to fancy restaurants, I really don’t envy them, I know that I can’t live the life they live, and I also know that I can’t marry marry such a wealthy husband. Everyone has different aspirations, everyone has different abilities, everyone has different values. If my abilities are at such a level, then I can spend so much, and I will have that kind of love. that’s really how I think.
You may think that I’m not realistic, that’s true, I’ve never been a realistic person, after all, seeking to share the inner language of the heart is not a concrete affair. When someone comes to my house in their own car, there’s no way I could get on the car, because we don’t share the same value, and it would be really hard for me to imagine my life with them. This doesn’t mean however that I absolutely don’t care about a partner’s capacities and earnings, if a partner can’t make money at all, then there’s no way the heart can follow, for such a life will eventually give in to reality，and love itself will bow its head to reality. Frankly, I don’t care about my partner’s income, but if I had to become the main earner in the family, I may not have the courage to walk into such marriage. A family needs two people to cooperate, and if the income of one becomes the main support for the family, slowly, the equality between both sides will be lost, and sourness will develop.
You say you don’t like men from rural areas, because you’re worried about your quality of life in the future, and you’re worried that his family will continually reach out to you in the future. That is indeed a very real problem. However, a partner coming from a rural area gives others a sense of inequality, but origins are not something you choose, and humble origins do not necessarily mean a low capacity to love. A man who comes from an ordinary rural background will have no particular superiority in wealth, and he is likely to carry a lot of family responsibilities, which will also become a challenge to you. However, this may not be quite as horrible as you imagine. He will also have filial responsibilities towards his parents, and his parents will occasionally come to your house and stay with you for some time, perhaps you will also need to help his siblings occasionally, these are all normal things. As a woman, you can be a bit tolerant and a bit generous, it is within the scope of her power to care for the family, and this can also enhance the feelings in the couple. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I would sacrifice my own life, just that I wouldn’t do things beyond what I can afford myself. And it doesn’t mean that you should give money to any and all of his relatives who come looking for handouts, because everyone must be responsible for their own life. If you indulge others too much, that can also be harming them to some extent. In some cases, you can and you must say no.
Actually, once the basic needs of life are fulfilled, material things are not that important. This doesn’t mean material things are completely unimportant, after all, the first thing we need to take care of is survival, only we shouldn’t let this take over our marriage. The reason I say this is because, when I recall the happy moments in my memory, none of them is related to wealth, but all have to do with some sense of happiness at the bottom of my heart. The moment I get nice clothes, I will be very happy, but this kind of happiness does not last very long, and soon I will return to my original state. However, if the happiness inside my heart was brought about by a person or an event, it will always be there, even after a very long time, and whenever I think about it, the same smile from the bottom of my heart will come to my face. If someone can give you such a smile, then house, car, nice clothes, and many, many temptations, in contrast, will seem like nothing. Although, this is very unrealistic.
Source:1510,July 16 2012